ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Member for New England Barnaby Joyce has reemerged as the most competent person to lead the National Party today after current leader Michael McCormack compared civil rights protests to what happened inside the US Capitol Building last week.

The former Deputy Prime Minister enjoys filming short videos of himself yelling at things such as the sky and his cattle. In addition to that, Mr Joyce also likes to sit around inside the House of Representatives wearing a jumper and jacket in the middle of the January heat.

Aside from that, Mr Joyce enjoys taking our biosecurity very seriously. That hobby led him to threaten to kill movie star Johnny Depp’s dogs when he flew them into the country without quarantining them. It was the right thing to do but he could’ve been a bit less blunt, says his former boss Malcolm Turnbull.

And he also upset his boss by having a baby with one of his staff.

Despite all of this, in light of what Michael McCormack has done and said this week, it pales in comparison.

“Nobody asked him what he thought about this,” said one Nationals member who asked to remain anonymous.

“He just had to say nothing. If you asked Barnaby about what happened in the US Capitol Building, he’d probably say something unnecessarily cryptic about how it could happen here. Yeah sweet, good on you Barnaby. Our guards here have submachineguns and know for a fact any protestor doesn’t have one so the guard would go pow-pow and the Anning cultist’s skull bursts open like a basketball getting dragged to the bottom of the ocean,”

“David Littleproud is too sensible and level-headed to be the leader of the Nationals. You need that wild card factor where when you step up to the microphone at a press conference, nobody knows what you’re about to say.”

More to come.


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