ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Member for New England Barnaby Joyce has told media this afternoon in Canberra that he reckons a bit of shaved rhino horn on toast is enough to cure the spicy cough.

It’s understood by The Advocate that Mr Joyce only made the bold claim to see if Michael McCormack, leader of the Nationals and Mr Joyce’s de facto boss, would do anything about it.

“I bet he doesn’t,” Barnaby told our reporter.

“I bet me just does that Mr Wagga Wagga thing where you just laugh and nod and say a non-offensive comment that says nothing and means nothing. Like when you go for lunch at Meccanico and when the bloke asks you how your bacon and egg panini was, you just laugh and nod and say ‘top tier, mate,’ and then tap the Commonwealth Diners Club Card and carry on down the street,”

“Mate, I can see it now. Old McCormack seeing that I’ve said rhino horn makes the covid go away and he just shrugs. Like when he walking down Bayliss Street of an evening and some deadshit yells, ‘Oi Michael! Nice moleskins!’ from a passing car and he catches himself in the reflection of the Myer shopfront window and knows the blokes in the car were probably taking the piss out of him,”

“Then, when he thinks nothing could get any worse, he runs into Daryl Maguire getting carried out of the Union by four security guards and gets stuck talking to him for 45 minutes,”

“Each of those things I’ve outlined, he has the same face for each of them. A smile, a nod and an affable laugh that makes him relatable. That’s what he’ll do when he finds out I want to have rhino horn on my Helgas tomorrow morning.”

The Advocate reached out to The Office of the Deputy Prime Minister for comment but have yet to receive a reply.

More to come.


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