KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
After weeks of preparation, heated press conferences and factional in-fighting between some talentless benchwarmers, the biggest battle of the year will finally play out this weekend.
That’s right folks, after months of waiting and public mud-slinging, MAGIC ROUND has finally arrived in Brisbane just in time to drown out the other silly little contest happening in Canberra, the federal election.
Such is the Australian public’s lack of care for the current election, it’s believed even the nation’s greatest psephologist and Chief Election Analyst at the ABC, Antony Green, has decided to head north with hundreds of thousands of other punters.
In his last ever election night, the public broadcaster’s most reliable numbers man will be attempting juggle both the polling data as well as the the festival of rugby league.
Speaking to Green from the front bar of the Caxton, the Rainman of election results told our reporter there was no better way to kickstart his retirement than spend the weekend pumping two mid-strength beers every hour and watching three games of Rugby League every day.
“I know the ABC would prefer to have me in Ultimo. But i’ve decided that my Swan Song will be taking place in the front bar of the Cacko!” Antony Green laughed, as he counted the jackpot winnings from a Queen of the Nile pokie machine, a haul of cash he reeled in after figuring out the machine’s mathematical sequencing in under ten slaps.
“What are the ABC gonna do… fire me on election night!? Hahaha. I AM the ABC election night!”
“Magic Round is just the beginning, I’m about to join a 28 day luxury cruise through The Rockies and Alaska”
“I’m running off the back fence into my twilight years. But first I’ve got one last job. And I’m gonna be doing it alongside thousands of denegerate footy fans on day three of the biggest weekend of the year”
Asked if he considered just calling in sick for his final day on the ABC books, Green says he wouldn’t be doing Australian democracy justice without one final call of the tightly contested seats of Wannon, Lingiari and Gilmore.
“Nah I better do it, one more swipe on the smartboard for old times sake. Or as I like the call it.. The Green Screen!”
“Plus, I’ve got the chance to be the guy who calls Bullwinkel in WA for the very first time.
“That’s definitely much more important than watching the 730pm Tigers vs Dragons game.
MORE TO COME.
