EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact

A woman struggling to sleep has found herself doing a bi annual checkup on her former classmates, though not with their best interests in mind.

It’s alleged Lucy Keogh had developed an unfortunate habit of staying up late to make the most of her free time or ‘revenge bedtime procrastination’ as it’s known, which now sees her falling asleep at 1am – or clocking in roughly five hours of doing absolutely nothing productive.

From mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, watching a few hours of Tik Tok, or going down a rabbithole on YouTube, Lucy has a knack for finding ways to kill time, whilst promising herself that she’d get around to watching a TV show or finishing a book. But deep down she knows she won’t.

For tonight’s random activity, which she likes to throw in to shake things up, Lucy has just remembered that it’s been a while since she stalked her former classmates online. Usually, to see who got married, who gained a few kilos, or who got a boob job.

Of course, though she’d never admit how petty she was deep down, Lucy’s first port of call is always checking in with her highschool bullies to see if they’ve made any poor life decisions she can gloat about – namely, her enemy number one, Meg Purcell.

Typing the name into the search engine, Lucy hopes that Meg is involved in some kind of pyramid scheme or at least married to a massive loser – or both, if she’s being honest.

Unfortunately, a quick perusal found that Meg was actually doing even better than Lucy was and had very clearly picked up quite the looker. However, Lucy was able to spot a few embarrassing grammatical errors in some of Meg’s posts, which at least gave her something to feel superior about.

More to come.


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