French Quarter cafe Shoe String Co provides the neighbourhood with cups full of bitter, brown liquid that for many of the regulars is the best part of their day.

This wholesome impact may be in jeopardy however as the cafe has now hired a happy barista who is ruining the customer experience with his good mood.

The new barista Hugh Elliott (19) is taking a new approach to customer service wherein he treats his weary-eyed customers as if they need motivation in addition to caffeination.

In his short tenure as a barista, Elliott has already established a rapport amongst the locals as being the little twerp who likes to ask questions during the delicate pre-caffeine emotional state.

“Almond milk? Are you lactose or veegs?” asked the barista las if he was a friend or a qualified therapist.

“There you go, love the KeepCup, please have the sickest day hey!”

Although our modern understanding of human psychology suggests that Elliott’s upbeat mood should positively influence his customers, the reverse seems to be happening as customers wish he could be as apathetic and uncaring as regular baristas.

“That dude needs a few hard years on drugs and poorly aged sleeve tatts before he can be a good enough barista,” stated one local. 

“Why can’t that fucking psycho just be subdued like the rest of us?”


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