“Pissing in my own mouth was a victimless crime” – Is Todd Carney the NRL scapegoat?

19 January, 2015. 15:37

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports Journalist | Contact

In the last few weeks we have seen a rise in the number of current, former and returning NRL players to be involved in the world of crime.

Drug Trafficking (Former Players Jason Smith, Matt Seers), Drug Manufacturing (returning player, Danny Wicks) and Grievous Bodily Harm (Russel Packer, signed to St George while in prison) are just some of the activities that our “role models” are getting up to. Not to mention the unspoken plague of domestic violence inside the homes of some of Rugby League’s elite.

One former-icon of the game, a man who many feel was treated poorly by the NRL, has spoken out today about the difference between larikinism and psychopathic misogyny. The man’s name? New South Wales bad boy and former Cronulla saviour, Todd Carney.

After a string of alcohol-related dramas off the field, and just as many “redemption performances” for an array of different clubs on the field – Carney has opened up today about how he has been made an example by the incompetent NRL integrity unit. Carney claims that he is just another tough country kid, one who likes to unwind just like anyone else… With 17 x Smirnoff Double Blacks and a slap on the pokies.

“I grew up in Goulburn… do you have any idea how shit that place is? All my childhood mates are either prison screws or prisoners themselves… I’m the first one to get out of the place – and the only way I got out was by being the best five-eighth in the f**king country” says Carney.

“Drink-driving. Stupid. Pissing in my own mouth. Classic… but very stupid. Being caught for these things is even stupider – but I would never raise my hand to a woman or dabble with narcotics. I’m a deadshit but I’m not a crim. Everyone needs to lighten up. Pissing in my own mouth was a victimless crime.”

A working class icon, tattooed from head to toe with an standoffish demeanour – Carney was never popular with the media, or the game’s executives… but, the punters love him.

Canberra Raiders tragic, Joe*, is one of the many fans that were disappointed to see their struggling team do away with such a talent –  on the grounds of PR.

“He’s one of us. The only people who have a problem with the poor prick are the people who don’t understand the culture. Any one who has been on a footy trip knows the ‘bubbler’ and anyone who’s been to Canberra knows that there is f**k all to do but get blind – leave King Carney alone!” says Joe.

“They signed him at twelve years old! He was in the Raiders development squad at twelve f**king years old! What the f**k did they think was going to happen? He grew up in leagues clubs and Grandstands. Drink driving is not that big of a deal where he comes from. Drinking your own piss is classic… where he comes from”

However, the NRL has maintained that their decision to sack Carney after “bubblergate” was the right call.

“Look, you can take the boy out of Goulburn, but if I see one skerrick of Goulburn in the boy… He will get sacked, fined and blacklisted,” says NRL CEO, Dave Smith.

“He’s a big name, a big talent and as the photos show… he’s got a pretty big donger. He’s one of the role models – which means we come down harder on him. Harder than we would on one of those no-hopers like Packer or Wicks,”

“We understand pissing in your own mouth is not nearly as bad as flogging your missus or keeping a pill press at home in your titan garage. But still, pissing in your own mouth is pretty f**ked.”

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Todd Carney, the Journeyman