July 14, 2015. 10:10
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact
Local man, Nick Mallet, has landed himself in the uncomfortable position of having to remain in a platonic friendship with a female acquaintance that he very much wants to have sex with.
“I really stuffed up, I pulled the ‘Netflix and chill’ card too early” says the 26-year-old, who hasn’t had intimate relations with the opposite sex for over eight months.
“Netflix and Chill” has recently been identified, in male terminology as: “an opportunity to invite a female friend or acquaintance to share a bed, without officially stating your intentions.”
“This girl, she’s my mate’s girlfriend’s friend. We had seen a bit of each other in group outings for a few weekends in a row. It always seemed like we were the only two people not coupled up,”
“I really liked her, she was so hot… So I thought I’d invite her to come over on Sunday to watch Netflix and chill”.
The girl, who goes by the name of Stacey, accepted his invitation.
Unfortunately for Nick, “Netflix and Chill” was all that happened.
“I couldn’t make the move. I really stuffed it up”
“She was there, snuggled up next to me… We had a fairly neutral comedy movie playing. It was all going swimmingly… I just couldn’t convert,”
Nick says his inability to pick the right moment to yawn, stretch and reach his arm over Stacey’s shoulder in an intentional but unintentional way, is what let him down.
“We watched three Jim Carrey movies in a row… Do you know how f**king merciless that was?!
“The worst thing is, I know that she was keen as well, why else would she spend the entire day in my lap watching shitty movies?”
“But now it’s too late, she actually thinks I’m the type of guy who just wants to casually watch eight hours of slapstick comedy, because I think she’s cool”
Stacey’s afternoon, by all accounts, was great – according to her close friend and mutual friend of Nick.
“She thinks he’s harmless… guys like that are so hard to find nowadays,” said Maddie.
Nick has stated that he still begrudgingly responds to Stacey’s text messages, of which most are just references to Jim Carrey films.
Nick Mallet has definitely softened up a bit since he stopped playing for the Springboks.
Wow I just learned so,etching new today