CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
The entire western world is today chortling at an American tech CEO who appears to have caused himself insurmountable pain and anguish at a Coldplay overnight.
But a local Betoota dad has warned that one should never underestimate the effect that Coldplay has on an older gentleman.
This comes as a US tech billionaire goes into hiding, amid the fall out from being caught risking it all in public.
During a performance at Gillette Stadium in Massachusetts, a venue that holds over 65,000 people, the high-profile Boston-based businessman Andy Byron was caught snuggling his ‘work wife’ on a roving camera.
It has also become evident that the ‘work wife’ – his chief of HR at Astronomer Global, Kristin Cabot – is not his real wife.
Midway through the Wednesday night show, the lustful Byron and Cabot unexpectedly became world famous adulterers, as Coldplay’s leader singer Chris Martin ordered the stadium’s Kiss Cam to begin filming the crowd.
Namely, a 60-year-old local dad from Betoota Heights.
“Poor bugger” says Brian Jane, a happily married medical equipment salesman from our town’s aspirational mortgage belt.
“I can understand though. Coldplay does things to me too haha”
As his teenage kids shudder at the insinuation, Brian grabs hold of their mother, and begins canoodling her the same way Byron and Cabot were caught doing in front of billions of people last night.
“Lucky your mother never let’s me listen to it without her around” continues the local dad.
“Otherwise I’d be in a bit of trouble.”
As is wife giggles at this heinous and perfomative display of boomer sexuality, Brian begins to gyrate his hips, in a way that serves no purpose other than to sicken his offspring.
“Watch out baby… Here comes the kiss cam!”
The two parents begin open-mouth pashing.
Brian breaks away for some air, before breaking into the chorus of Coldplay’s 2011 power ballad Paradise.
“She’d dream of para-para-paradise”
“Para-para-paradise”
