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Foreign Minister Penny Wong has insisted the government is very clear in its support for Israel and the United States to do whatever they feel necessary in the Middle East, in accordance with their own hunches and agenda.
After US President Donald Trump confirmed the strikes against Iran, the Albanese government issued a statement calling for “de-escalation”.
However, the Prime Minister’s decision to not use the word ‘support’ resulted in extreme backlash from our nation’s own media commentators who are defined by their Messianic worship of the US and Israel.
In response, Foreign Minister Penny Wong has had to clarify that our government “supports action” to prevent Iran from developing a nuclear weapon, or whatever it is that the White House is using the justify their most recent military intervention in a region that has been plagued by American wars since the 1980s.
“Australia has been clear, along with the international community, that Iran cannot be allowed to develop a nuclear weapon,” she told reporters at Parliament House.
“We support action to prevent that from occurring and this is what this was.”
“Got it? Got it? Good”
“It’s not like I’m gonna stand up here and say what I really think, because no Australian government has ever opposed to American war machine. I mean, we even sent troops to help in their civil war for goodness sake. Why do you even bother asking our government’s position? What did you honestly expect me to say?”
This extremely honest answer was met with complete silence from the ambulance-chasing press scrum.
“Sooo… What else is going on?” asked one of the Canberra press gallery’s most junior reporters.
“Lots” said the Foreign Minister.
“I mean, aside from trying to get our beloved military allies to stop hit us with fucking tariffs”
“Or the 5 years I’ve just spent trying to re-open trade with China after Scott Morrison basically declared war on the CCP”
“Or the fact that we can’t go 24 hours without some dumb arse from Newcastle or the Gold Coast deciding to get pissed in Bali and fly off a motorised scooter. I’ve got quite a bit on actually”
“As usual, the Kuta road rash is taking up about 80% of my department’s output”
