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The Australian Government has vowed to protect their young people from the brain-rot of online algorithms, and has heralded a return to the good old days where kids would spent hours watch reality TV court room dramas and re-runs of extremely boring sitcoms from the 1970s.
This comes as the Prime Minister confirms that YouTube will be included in their world-first social media ban for children under 16, following months of drafting up the new under 16s social media ban.
YouTube had been previously exempt from the ban, however, educators and family groups had long lobbied that the video-sharing platform was just as bad for developing brains as TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, X and Snapchat.
Under the ban, teenagers will still be able to view YouTube videos but will not be permitted to have an account, which is required for uploading content or interacting on the platform.
YouTube – owned by Google – had argued it shouldn’t be blocked for children as the platform “offers benefit and value” to young people as an educational tool.
However, the Australian government believes that education should be left to parents and teachers, rather than some dude talking about deep-state conspiracy theories while wearing a black t-shirt and cross-promoting nicotine lip pouches.
This now means that Aussie kids who don’t enjoy playing outside now have no option but to watch hours of Judge Judy on free-to-air television, like their pre-internet parents did before them.
Either that, or re-runs of the CBS war-comedy-drama sitcom MAS*H that has been continuously broadcast on Australian network TV for nearly five decades – for some reason.
If they don’t like those two programmes, they might get lucky and catch an extremely explicit US talkshow panel that showcases the drama of Middle Americans who have accidentally fallen in love with a man dressed as a woman.
Either that, or some weird German tv show about a cop that is actually a dog. Or, if they get home from school early enough, they can always watch Ready, Steady Cook.
The nation’s grandmothers have responded to this announcement by reminding everyone that The Bold and The Beautiful is also an option at 430pm, every day.
