Malcolm Turnbull Rejects His Liberal Slave Name

15 September, 2015. 16:20

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact

Former Minister of Communications minister and Prime Minister-elect, Malcolm Turnbull, has told ABC 24 this morning that he will no longer acknowledge his own last name.

The self-made-millionaire Member for Wentworth believes that his own last name had “been whipped, tarnished and exploited” by an overbearing master to the point where it no longer means anything to anyone. Including him.

Now going by the his new, self-given name of Malcolm X, the staunch republican and political journeyman has told reporters that “his people” have for too long been exploited by the likes of former-Prime Minister Abbott.

“The real names of our people [Moderate Liberal politicians] were destroyed during the Abbott Governent. The last name of my forefathers was taken from me when I was brought to Canberra, and then the name of the slave master was given to us all, which we refuse, we reject that name today and refuse it. I will never acknowledge it whatsoever,”

When asked whether he might be taking his re-brand of the Australian Liberal Party a step too far, Mr X responded venomously.

“For too long the name Malcolm Turnbull meant “Abbott’s boy” – This is no longer the case. I am not a House Liberal, I am a Field Liberal. I am Malcolm X”

“Our previous names now have no value. With our master overthrown we are able to rise up. As our own selves,”

“We declare our right on this earth…to be a human being, to be respected as a human being, to be given the rights of a human being in this society, on this earth, in this day, which we intend to bring into existence by any means necessary.”

It remains to be seen whether or not Malcolm X, Julie X and Wyatt Y will officially undergo the process of legal name changes, but it is not the most bizarre news story in relation to the new leadership, which has not yet seen an entire working day.

Last night Prime Minister X drew criticism for live-tweeting the entire Liberal leadership challenge from inside the House of Representatives.

With much more important hurdles ahead of him, political commentators such as esteemed Daily Telegraph Columnist Joe Hildebrand have questioned whether name-changes are the most important issues right now.

“He’s got better things to do right now,” says Hildebrand.

“The first thing I’d be doing is moving into that lodge which Abbott spent $8.8 million renovating, only to never step foot inside,”

“I’d be dying to wear in that gorgeous Catholic burgundy carpet.”