LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
With time running out for departing US President Donald Trump to demand the recounts and proceedings he needs to win the election he lost, White House staffers are reporting their usually frolicsome leader has lost some of his natural pep.
“He hasn’t thrown a dart at me in weeks,” stated leader of the White House Porters Ian Reinfold, who personally oversees the much needed cleaning of the Oval Office.
“Whenever we go in there to sweep away the daily Pop Tart casings and meatloaf centres, he will usually throw a dart at me or one of my staff but he’s just not in the mood lately. It’s really concerning.”
But dejected from his electoral defeat at the hands of the Democrats and Joe Biden, Reinfold states Mr Trump is too sad to reach into his golden briefcase and throw one of his damascus steel darts at those who have to clean the mess that he now appears to be making more of on purpose.
“We’ve even tried to make the dart chucking more appealing. One of us dressed as a homeless person with a target on our chest, I even dressed as AOC and ran around yelling ‘Dart Me President Trump!’ and he still wouldn’t do it.”
“He just sat there at his desk and cried and cried, whipping his cheeks with a slice of pizza that he was eating at the same time.”
“Of course, he’s still throwing darts at Eric but, c’mon that doesn’t count.”
