Local News

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTA country lad hailing from the calm serenity of rural Australia has become quite the annoyance to his fellow inner city house mates as he keeps leaving the front door unlocked, sometimes overnight. A practice born from the safety and trustworthy people from his hometown. Michael Hillcliffe (24) has lived in the city for over a year now and...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA local dad has realised his son will be as average at cricket as he is after witnessing his boy’s absolutely woeful efforts at bashing a piñata.  Originating from Mexican party traditions, piñatas are decorated capsules containing lollies that are to be smashed open by a blindfolded person so as to free the treats inside. Piñatas are often designed to...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTA local man in his early 30s has channeled the unshakeable spirit of David Goggins after his missus dragged him on a walk that turned out to be, shockingly, actual exercise. Eoin Murphy (31), had long considered himself a somewhat fit individual, and although he hasn't had to break a sweat in a few years, still fancies himself in...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT Maddie Rooney (29) has realised she has finally reached full adulthood. In an unexpected turn of events, Maddie has found herself unexplainably excited about a spontaneous trip to Officeworks to get new printer inks. Maddie had long considered herself the embodiment of youthfulness , known for her disdain for anything dull and a phobia for anything remotely resembling responsibility. However,...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactBar staff at the bustling French Quarter pub ‘The Badgers Arms' have this week offered some words of encouragement to a beloved staff member, after learning the poor sod was about to embark on his three months of slavery, should he wish to extend his working visa - also known as the dreaded ‘fruit picking.’ As roughly 80% of...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactAn owner of a boutique insurance agency has this week solved the ongoing malaise circulating amongst his employees, by organising a special little event for them all to partake in - planting trees on a Sunday morning! Kicking off at 7am, employees at Big Logic Insurance are expected to spend at least four hours planting trees in the French...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A resident of Betoota Grove has today been accused of failing to read between the lines. Visiting a family member in our town's Flight Path District, Bryan Tadros has today paid the price for ignoring local authorities. The waste disposal magnate has had his car severely damaged after parking somewhere he was explicitly told not to. "Yeah, look,"...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT An old fox is making up for lost time after finally giving into family demand and doing some damn exercise. The fox in question is Peter Morb (58) of Betoota Ponds who claims to enjoy his life by frequently doing activities that shorten it such as drinking, smoking cigarillos and making sandwiches using frozen pizzas as bread. With his family...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local grandfather, Harold Page (90) has severely downplayed the danger of an Eastern Brown Snake finding its way into his backyard, during a family get together in his semi-rural Betoota Downs home. The late afternoon lunch was briefly interrupted by a series of screams from the mums and aunties, who moved quickly to swoop up any children who found...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A man from English Queensland has turned his rented Lake Betoota apartment into a home this week by choosing to hang a Yorkshire flag in the only window that faces the beach. Leeds man Sam Gallon explained to The Advocate that his polyester Yorkshire flag that he purchased on eBay arrived yesterday and despite having...