Headlines

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In case you haven't been watching 7 News or reading the NewsCorp papers, Australia is currently in the midst of a youth crime epidemic. In small towns and outer-metro suburbs, cars are being stolen every night, for the purpose of being used in other robberies or just thrashed until they explode. The rates of young offenders maiming innocent Australians...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT An up-and-coming political commentator has condemned Prime Minister Anthony Albanese for his recent diplomatic trips in a reopened world that really needs a hug right about now. According to Graham Sobford (70) of Betoota Heights, people need to do their own research about Albo, something he does every day between 8am and 8pm when Sky News is on his...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Despite being constantly raided of their top talent by the Southern elites, it seems the Brisbane Lions girls have defied the odds and will take on North Melbourne for the 2023 premiership on Sunday afternoon at Melbourne’s Ikon Park. Meanwhile, another oval down south will be hosting a the white hot flame of Queenslanders in pads and helmet, as...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT There was mild frustration on the streets of Betoota's French Quarter this afternoon, as an upper middle class teal voter was cut off by a food courier cyclist that was rushing to make his next delivery in a 12 hour shift of unsustainable deadlines. "Oh for fucks sake!" roars Klara de Carvalho (38) as she flicks an uncharacteristic middle...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has today surprised the media in his hometown of Tamworth by joining in on a celebration of Australian music - which is a traditionally left-wing thing to do. However, the Member for The New England says he could not resist the opportunity to pay tribute to his favourite Campbelltown rapper, Kerser, who announced...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australia's woo girls and homosexual men are now racing to take advantage of the eight week window before their now favourite weekend activity is spoiled by the same people who spoil everything. As confirmed by the hospitality lobby group Licensing Inquiries and Testing For Australian Management (LITFAM) - it seems the 'bottomless brunch' is now facing a 2 month countdown...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report has found that the gold standard of Australian cinema was back when everything was slightly blue. This study was commissioned by the film standards watchdog, Australian Registry Of Screen Enthusiasts (ARSE), in response to the growing problem of local audiences shunning local productions for the plethora of overseas content now available with the introduction of streaming...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR RETIREMENT? With very little political cut-through since they celebrated the unsuccessful referendum result like they had just won a landslide election, the Liberals are back with some cool new ideas. In an effort to help under 40s achieve housing security in the face of inflation and an out of control rental crisis, Liberal senator Andrew...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Bryan Hatton has spent the last 24 minutes wrestling with the gruelling task of taking a dump while also hyperextending his left arm in order to keep the door shut, in the Betoota Hotel mens room. It appears the door in the far-right stall has, at some point, suffered a blow from a patron’s boot on the basin-side. Mr Hatton...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The catastrophic Australian housing crisis is now starting to bleed out into every facet of society, triggering a very near collapse of the state. According to the Australian Medical Association (AMA), Queensland has failed to meet its ambulance transfer targets for the past seven years. In 2021 – 2022, ambulances spent 134,155 hours ramped outside the state's top 26...