Headlines

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The iconic NSW town of Toronto, known as the heartland of Australian boatie culture and the birthplace of NRL icon Willie Mason, has today announced some big news. The local council, in partnership with the region's many schools and sporting clubs, have today walked out of a long-awaited community meeting with a unanimous decision to officially stop pretending to...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT An easily impressionable yet staunchly self-assured white boy has today learnt that there's always a bigger fish in the pond. After causing months of panic and concern for his parents, Betoota Grove teenager Jack Ogilby (16) has officially graduated from edgelord to full blown TikTok philosopher. His poorly articulated views of 'traditional' gender roles, and the unflinching global oppression of...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT 22-year-old Irish labourer, Cormac Kelly has always envisioned his working holiday in Australia to be a hot boy summer. Now he knows this to be true. Hailing from the rural outskirts of Country Carlow, Cormac says his current living arrangements that see him based in a 200 bed hostel in Betoota's Old City District is paradise compared to the housing...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT It's Careers Day at Betoota West Sports High today, as senior students are given the opportunity to explore the many different paths that may await them upon graduation. While the academic kids hysterically quiz representatives from the top tier universities about entry exams and gateway courses, the petrolheads are gathering around the TAFE booth to ask questions about what...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local bloke who used to live off burger rings and coca cola in primary school is showing no signs of giving up the self-destructive hedonism, it has been confirmed today. Second-generation real estate agent, Kai Chant (29) has this week taken the crown of the number 1 seller out of the the 35 under 35 in Betoota's North-West...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The Australian Greens Party have today taken a substantial backwards slide in their efforts to no longer be recognised as the party for rich white urban men who were never good at sport. While their recent successes in suburban Brisbane saw the party evolve from minority party to 'third force' - their efforts to foster street cred amongst Aboriginal...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Hundreds of thousands of silver-haired Gen X rock n roll fans are these week venturing into an online journey of milleniall music. This comes after US musician and notable young person, Post Malone, is met with rave reviews for his opening act as part of the 2023 Red Hot Chilli Peppers tour. One ageing rockdog is Betoota local, Evan Benderson...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local man has today been reminded that he is young enough to still get blasted on a Friday night, and that the disposable income that he was hoping to redistribute towards IKEA, may as well be spent on cold schooners of full-bodied lager. Flight Path District car salesman, Jackie Fontaine (26) had initially planned on a quiet evening...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As the Australian Catholic Church heavyweights, Murdoch media goons and the least PR-savy members of the Liberal Party begin preparations to send off the disgraced Cardinal Pell at St Mary's Cathedral on Thursday morning - it seems the afterlife is also quite busy this week. Australia's highest-ranking Catholic died age 81 from heart complications during hip surgery in Rome last...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australia's climate denialist newspaper barons and bootlicking politicians are today doing their very best to talk about how good Australia Day was, after new revelations of extremely poor due diligence from their end. In fact the due diligence almost looks like wilful negligence, after it became clear that the Indian billionaire that our media and political class have been...