IN-Focus

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA married heterosexual woman made an interesting choice this week when she asked her equally-straight husband’s opinion on a dress she was thinking of buying, as if her husband was Gok Wan or something. Ordinarily, Beatrice Cole (32) is all good when it comes to asking her husband Dieter Klein’s (34) opinion on anything aesthetically adjacent lest...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An old man wearing a crushable leather hat is preparing to drive slightly above the speed limit because there's an overtaking lane coming up, and he doesn't want anyone to get past him. It's a common occurrence on local roads. Many hold the view that drivers such as today's culprit, Wallace Goink, are a menace...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact In an increasingly rare moment of cultural appreciation in our regional community, local resident Albert "Bert" Thompson (78) interrupted his daily stroll down the Old City's bustling High Street to stand in awe of a busker showcasing an uncommon musical talent – the glass harp. The skilled busker, identified only as Harmony Glass, had set...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A breeding pair of Howard Battlers, a protected species under the Taxation Administration Act (1953), have offloaded their four-bedroom redbrick home in Betoota Heights that sat on a 1100sqm block for a French Quarter terrace house that was tastefully renovated in recent years by two men and their sausage dog. Glen and Rochelle Darling (both...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local man is pleased today after seeing his tax dollars hard at work for a change. Mark Montague, of the French Quarter, saw one of the Whooton School's new coaches out on the highway this afternoon and just had to marvel at how much it would've cost to purchase and the small fortune it...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local excavator driver has brought commerce and content consumption in Betoota Heights to a halt this afternoon after he and his boss decided to dig before they dialed. On the corner of Greenbrayer Road and the A45 Bypass, a road crew dug up a fiber optic cable responsible for carrying much of the data...

STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACTMariah Carey's has fully defrosted just in time for Christmas! At last, the iconic Mariah Carey's Christmas anthem is back from it’s year-long hibernation. Thank fuck because the people of Betoota have been patiently waiting all year to play Carey's Christmas classic "All I Want for Christmas Is You" on repeat till the local retail store manager decides that...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A French Quarter father has been left wondering why the pregnancy pillow is still on the bed now his female life partner is no longer pregnant. Darcy Cutler is wondering because the pillow has forced him to sleep on the edge of a queen-size bed for the past 40 weeks and he was dreaming of...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A radical plan put forward by the South Betoota Polytechnic College Minksy School of Economics has suggested that one extremely useful tool to help fight inflation in the economy is to simply introduce something into the ecosystem that actively hunts the biggest problem. Similar to the Queensland Government introducing the cane toad in the 1930s...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The new Reserve Bank boss Michele Bullock has signalled the central bank's intent to push interest rates higher to the point where people under 35 essentially exist to service their mortgage - or someone else's mortgage - and that's it. Discretionary spending is still rife in the economy and that is one of the key...