Portsea residents are today being told to be wary of a man who may be asking for directions to the nearest bowls club, after reports that a Bendigonian allegedly tied the knot in the seaside town over the weekend.

In a press conference earlier today, the head of Victoria Police confirmed whispers of a suspected culture clash in the Mornington Peninsula that is believed to have taken place on Saturday afternoon or evening.

Chief Commissioner Shane Patton has advised holidayers and residents to approach the Bendigo man with caution, and not reveal their secret fishing spots to him.

“Several locals have claimed that they saw a bloke wearing a pair of footy shorts and a work shirt hanging around the car park of Sorrento Back Beach over the weekend.” aid Patton.

“Earliest reports indicate that the man was asking complete strangers questions about the fuel efficiency of their vehicles, before making a big point of telling them all that he comes from Bendigo, and that he’s getting married to a woman whose in-laws live down that way or something”

“Anyone in the area have been warned that this man is considered armed with an encyclopaedia of general knowledge surrounding the wool industry – as well as pointless statistics about AFL footballers that don’t play any more”

It is not yet known who the knockabout rural man was getting married to over the weekend, but police will allege it must have been someone who is not from Bendigo.

This development in the investigations has been deduced by the fact that no wedding venue operators or local caterers have reported being asked to provide pre-mixed Jim Beam and Cola at any of the ceremonies hosted over the weekend.

“This man may be hiding in plain sight” said the Police Chief.

“It’s usually pretty easy to pick these blokes, but it sounds like his wife has made sure that he scrubs up alright”


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