LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Realising there are no Christmas decorations in her sharehouse, PR executive Naomi Killian (25) has taken it upon herself to get her housemates involved in the festive spirit as she usually does whenever domestic duties are neglected.
Although Killian has managed to keep her entry level job requiring three years of University and one year of morally-grey free work as an intern, she has found herself picking up the slack for the three redundant members of her team for which she will be compensated with a pay rise in four years probably.
“It’s been an unprecedented year,” stated Killian using the most predictable sentence of 2020.
“I think what we really need are Christmas decorations in our living room. It will make this place where we all feel uneasy and generally unsafe a real home.”
Killian then proceeded to post on the housemate group chat titled “Ahoy House Maties! [Boat emoji, skull emoji]” and asked the five people who live in the same French Quarter terrace house to each put in $15 for some Christmas decorations.
“Hmmm, is ‘get fucked’ too strong of a response?” tenant Ryan Barley asked our reporters.
“Why can’t she just pay for it herself and passive aggressively mention how much it all cost during dinner like she usually does?”
Due to having a partner who lives in a much nicer apartment with no sharehouse alphas, Barley lives a reclusive lifestyle only leaving his bedroom to show off the occasional sheen of sex sweat and to ask people to keep it down at 8pm.
According to Barley, Christmas decorations in their share house usually remain hanging well into the new year, becoming a haven for dust and huntsmen before usually being torn down during a more destructive kickons session.
“I guess $15 isn’t too bad for decorations considering they hang for half the year. Seriously, I feels like I just took them down, I’d have left them up otherwise.”
At the time of writing Killian’s message regarding decorations has been seen by the entire group and is yet to generate a response.
