FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact

When local agency man Barry Mellish injured his back in a freak Spirograph accident in 2014, his family thought they would all be in for some major changes to make his life more comfortable.

“The doctor took an x-ray but it was so graphic he had to show it to me in black and white so it wasn’t too gory,” said Barry.

“He said it was nothing but it looked to me like I had a Compacted Disc, and a Double Cassette Deck on my T4 and T5 vertebrae. Pretty sure I could see a Quadrophonic 8-Track on my Spinal Tap as well and the doctor said that I was also talking through my ass, which sounded serious too. Luckily the pain was pretty much gone after a couple of days.” 

In fact, Barry was extremely lucky to have suffered minimal, if any, permanent damage and after a week was even able to return to his job as a some marketing guy.

“I must say I was pretty lucky actually; I can still ride a bike and play squash during the week. My back usually only flares up on the weekend, and then I can’t move heavy stuff at all so I usually play it safe and just watch FoxSports all day.” 

However, Barry’s brother-in-law Daniel has cast doubt on the self-diagnosis after failing to secure Barry’s help in moving an old chest freezer out the front for the council clean-up on Sunday morning. 

“He’s full of shit. He couldn’t help me move house last year because his back was flaring up on the weekend, and he can’t help me during the week because he’s at work. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out his back only hurts when someone needs his help”. 

However, Barry rejects the explosive claims, explaining he has no control over when the back problems arise.

“I don’t know why I only have a bad back on the weekend. My sister needed me to help move a concrete fountain on Saturday but my back was playing up again.”

“But then on Monday, it was fine. How am I supposed to know why it only hurts on the weekend? I’m not a doctor”. 


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