HOW YA DOING DOWN THERE LITTLE FELLA: The rest of the nation has today taken a brief moment from thinking about their own suffering to consider how our quieter little sibling is doing.

As the ACT enters week 5 of their first big boy lockdown, the streets are reportedly almost as quiet as they would be during the Christmas/New Year period.

The Capital has reported 11 new cases in the 24 hours to 8pm on Sunday, with the majority having spent time in the community while infectious.

“This is crazy” says the residents of Canberra.

“It’s like all the politicians and young kids have fucked off to the beach, and the only people left are frontline workers who couldn’t get out of work”

“So yeah, it basically feels like late December”

In more bad news, the Chief Minister Andrew Barr said only 3 of the new cases had spent their entire infectious period in quarantine, while seven had spent some time in the community. Investigations were continuing into another case.

There has also been 100 new locations added to the list of exposure sites. This means that Canberra is rapidly running out of places that haven’t been visited by an active case.

“We are literally almost out of businesses in our capital town that haven’t been stung” Mr Barr said.

“There were 2488 tests completed on Sunday as well. That means we are almost out of people to test too…”

“But just because youve passed one test, doesn’t mean you have home safe. Please keep coming back. We need to bump those numbers”

Barr says while NSW and Victoria have given up all hope of the elimination strategy, Canberra is so small that they literally will be able to make sure that people stop hanging out”

“So I guess just stay home until we can get this thing back to zero”

“The moment we get a week of zeros I’ll unlock the doors to Mooseheads myself and provide special exemptions for a Peking Duk set”

Deputy chief health officer Dr Vanessa Johnston has said that she wants all Canberrans to keep acting like they would at Christmas time.

“Pretend it’s that weird little week between Boxing Day and New Years. Just do nothing, and do go anywhere. We’ll crush this thing for sure”


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