Study Reveals Direct Link Between Cheez TV And Crystal Meth Addiction

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact

A new study out of the University of Western Australia has revealed a link between use of the illicit substance ice and past viewership of morning children’s show, Cheez TV.

Researches have stated that ice users who reminisced fondly of the cartoon variety show were far more likely to become addicts, particularly if they began to recall the ‘cheeky’ antics of original hosts Jade Gatt and Ryan Lapin.

The research is just one of many trying to find meaning in he increasingly troubling rates of ice usage in Australian communities.

“It’s revealing when someone speaks of Ryan and Jade with such fondness. No doubt, they were funny guys, particularly when you were nine, but any 26 year old man who can bring up the fact Jayde’s fake reporter was named ‘Dick Wadd’ in conversation is showing serious signs of a troubled mind, and these are the people most at risk of drug addiction.”

Former 11 year old and current ice user Richard Hedd had this to say: “ye like remember when Ryan was makin fun of Rove like ‘ay im Rove n im ashit bloke ‘n’ fuck that was so funny, but then he’d like switch straight to talkin to the guy who voices Brock in Pokemon, fuck those guys could like do it all ay.”

Professor Krillin says it’s not just Cheez TV that can be viewed as as the precursor index for substance abuse.

“We’ve found connections in the past between bucket-bong usage and [animated Australian children’s show] Little Elvis, not to mention a consistent ability to sing the Feral TV theme-song to conclusion amongst nangs users.”