She was the golden girl of ‘90s Australian ad breaks, the optimistic face that told budding first home buyers that they could do it.

As times change, it becomes clear that no one can escape the crushing waves of the Australian housing crisis. None less than Jessica Clarke, famously known as the L J Hooker girl, who this week it has been revealed, is likely to never own a home.

“On my salary? Fat chance,” said the 28 year old waitress in an exclusive interview with The Betoota Advocate.

“Maybe if I’d made some royalties off those ads they used of me for fucking 15 years.”

When asked about compensation, Clarke informed us she was allowed to keep the teddy bear from the now iconic TV commercial. “Yeah,” she sighed. “Thank you Mr Hooker. Not.”

A nursing student, Clarke hopes to be able to afford her own home, although she is not overly optimistic. She feels the egalitarian housing market presented in the famous family-friendly ad campaign is now about as penetrable as the audiences they were once able to reach on evening television.

“Maybe if I was paying $50K for it like those fake parents of mine did in 1996. Maybe then I could afford a house instead of a crappy terrace house I share with four strungout artist and six stray cats.”

When asked if her image spurred an increase in property purchasing, leading to the current housing crisis Clarke refused to comment.

“I can’t think about that man. I won’t be able to sleep tonight if I do.”


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