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The Prime Minister started his afternoon press conference by telling reporters that he was tired and didn’t want to talk about Afghanistan anymore – until next week – he said.

“Enough about Afghanistan. Does anyone have any questions about, oh I don’t know, the cricket?” said Mr Morrison.

Reading from his notes, Scott Morrison cleared his voice and continued.

“My Bloke Advisor, who briefs me on sports, alcohol, horse racing, and banter, tells me that the, uh, T20 Cricket World Cup is about to start. Yes, he’s also underlined that real cricket fans, such as your’s truly [hold for laughter] know isn’t real cricket and thus shouldn’t be worried about if we get flogged by countries such as the West Indies and/or Bangladesh,”

“Oh right, why’s he crossed this part out with a red pen? We should be focused on our next Test match against… Oh for God’s sake! Afghanistan? Really? We’re playing Afghanistan in a Test match? Where?”

“What the hell is a Blundstone? Bluntstone Arena? Oh yeah, what we cricket fans call Belvedere Oval down in Tasmania! Down where they drink the James Boags by the fire and read those Richard Clapton novels. Richard Clapton is a great friend of mine, he wrote a fantastic book about Changi or Pompeii. Anyway, I read it cover to cover and it deserved the Pulitzer it received,”

“Yes, that’ll do.”

The Prime Minister then turned over the last piece of notepaper to see it was blank.

“Ah, excellent. See you all in September.”

More to come.


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