ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Viewers asked for it and now Australia’s peak scientific body has delivered.

In the lead up to the Australian Open, Network Seven polled thousands of tennis viewers about what they either love or don’t love about the tennis coverage.

Close to 9 in 10 people said they’d be inclined to watch something else because of the ‘tennis grunting’ – a relatively modern addition to the game aimed at putting off an opponent.

But now, there’s a new app that replaced the screams of tennis players with those of a small child.

“It’s quite full on,” said Ben Carter, a local tennis fan who told The Advocate that sometimes the grunting can be too much for him.

“People think it’s just the women who do it but what a lot of people don’t realise is that the men do it twice as much and twice as loud,”

“Go back and watch Nadal play on YouTube. It’s deafening. Not to mention the like of Sharapova, but. It’s been in the news recently, how those bougie Melbournese people mocked that European girl about her grunting. It’s not that I don’t think it should be part of the game, it’s just that I don’t want to hear it.”

Thanks to the CSIRO, who’ve spend more Commonwealth money developing nice things for all Australians, you don’t have to listen to all that racket anymore.

Earlier this afternoon, a spokesman from the popular scientific agency said they’ve released an app to help replace the grunting, which is now available for download on most SmartTV app stores as well as Google Play and the iTunes Store.

“For the first time in a long time, you can enjoy tennis in the comfort of your own home,”

“You can enjoy it without the grunts, we’ve replaced them with a more placed sound such as toddlers screaming and the like. We’re working on recording the sound of a pig being eaten alive by a polar bear but the zoo doesn’t open until tomorrow morning so stay tuned,”

“It should be good. We, scientists, hate the grunting as much as you people do.”

More to come.



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