LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
As the Federal Elections comes to a close, locals to the southern island confirm they are looking forward to being forgotten about again for the next 3 years.
Just like their wildlife, Tasmania as human settled is quite unique when compared to the mainland. With a range of unique issues – including a housing crisis, 11% youth unemployment, and 50% of adults being functionally illiterate.
Luckily, Albo and Scotty have made their way down south to tackle some real issues, tackle some children, and act like they’ll give a shit about Tasmania after the votes have finished being counted.
“When there’s no election, mainlander pollies are about as rare as Tassie Tigers down here” stated Tassie local Miriam Keys (26) who lives in her van as she can’t afford rent.
“But when it’s time to vote they’re the first ones getting their pictures taken with a Hartz cola and a Banjos cheese and bacon pie.”
With the marginal seats of Braddon and Bass identified as must-win seats for both major parties, Tasmanians have spent the last week hearing hollow promises about everything from a new stadium, first grade footy club, and repaved roads for what Scotty delicately explained was for the state’s “dopier drivers.”
However, a day after the big dance, it seems that all of the seats that have decided this result were much safer electorates that the Morrison Government never expected to lose.
For that reason, Tasmania is going to be ignored even more than they usually would have, after failing to deliver either party a major swing.
MORE TO COME.
