CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing is reportedly planning to let minors drive forklifts, in a new plan to tackle labour shortages that he has tabled to the National Cabinet today.
The PM will ask the states to consider lowering the legal age required to drive a forklift, as staff shortages dent supply chains, because everyone seems to have caught this fucking virus that we can’t even test ourselves for.
Morrison first alluded to the change during his press conference on Wednesday, flagging an “urgent need” for workers in certain sectors.
“We have been working to reduce the regulatory requirements in the trucking sector and others,” Morrison said.
“There are changes that we need to make around the age of forklift drivers, to get quite specific.”
“I mean how hard is driving a forklift. Most of those blokes are half-pissed anyway. Right?”
As soft-palms Scotty only found out during a meeting with industry leaders a week ago, Australians need to be at least 18 years of age to obtain a forklift licence, and also need to have been assessed as competent and completed the required training before operating the heavy machinery.
It is not known how the urgent supply chain issues would be solved by allowing children to drive forklifts, seeing as though this kind of announcement would only create yet another backlog of licence certifiers – but the idea looks like it would get slapped down anyway.
Unions and politicians have already blasted the suggestion, pointing to the fact that Safe Work Australia classes operating a forklift as “high risk work” that is responsible for 1 in 6 workplace deaths
However, the leftie working class has done very little to convince Scotty that his idea of solving supply chain issues with child labour is a bad idea, with the PM even going as far as flagging other industries that kids could be put to work in.
“Truckies keep whingeing about getting sick. Well, I had my drivers licence at 16. Why can’t kids drive trucks?”
“The more kids we have out there working, the less students that teachers need to educate via Skype”
“We don’t even need to stop there. Kids used to make up a large portion of the coal mining workforce. Till the bleeding heart unions got involved”
“We should send kids down the shaft like they did in the good old days!”
