LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
“Just wait until father hears about this!” yelled Hedge Fund Manager Clionel Bexley-Vanchild Jnr (36) at an indoor plant he bought for two thousand dollars.
Like anyone with the internet, Clionel Bexley-Vanchild Jnr woke up to the news yesterday that one of Reddits most popular subreddits managed to turn a profit for themselves by buying shares in declining USA retail outlet GameStop, enough to turn his already pale hair white.
Unfortunately for Bexley-Vanchild, this win for the people has dealt a massive blow to Hedge Fund Managers and Draco Malfoy look alikes like himself who were betting on GameStop failing so they can make some morally grey capitalist dollars.
“This was not supposed to happen! How did they figure out how money works? Stop them!”
So enraged was Bexley-Vanchild that he failed to realise he was acting very much in the style of boy-wizard Draco Malfoy, rival of the eponymous hero of the Harry Potter novel series.
“They couldn’t handle being servants forever so they decided to help themselves to my money using legal means! That’s robbery!”
Not realising the resemblance, Bexley-Vanchild then summoned his two beefy security guards to his side and held his $6k Cartier pen like a wand.
