ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A near-broke food courier who earns next to nothing has had to politely decline an offer from his bank to pre-approve him for a mortgage.
Curtis Rock, who’s been riding for food courier service Yuppie Pig for nearly a year now, says he received a phone call from the Diamantina Credit Union this morning to congratulate him on being allowed to borrow up to $800 000.
The 23-year-old said he’d only put his figures into a mortgage repayment calculator on the credit union’s website as a joke but says the real joke came when his bank manager phoned.
“He said because of the new proposed changes to the mortgage lenders legislation, that hard-working Australians like myself are now able to access the Australian Dream,” he said.
“Which is nice but I’m going backwards financially right now. As in, I’m spending more than I’m making because I did a degree in history and when I graduated, I tried to find the ‘History’ tab on Seek but they didn’t have one, so what do I do now?”
“I’ll tell you what I’m not going to do, I’m not going to sign up to no mortgage. I mean, I’m on an enterprise agreement Yuppie Pigs so they can legally pay me below award. They’re also made me sign up to a Certificate III in Hospitality so they can register themselves at an RTO and fleece the government,”
“I like the idea of having a mortgage but it’s just not for me right now. Right now, I’m just trying to keep these fat yuppie cunts in the French Quarter fed and watered to the point where they might tip me a dollar or two.”
More to come.
