CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
The black hole left by the government’s $130 billion JobKeeper coronavirus wage subsidy package is no longer the biggest concern for Treasurer Josh Frydenberg.
This comes after the state governments on the east coast gave the hospitality sector permission to crank open the pokies again, after nearly two months without any pensioners blowing their dole cheques in the dark air-conditioned rooms out the back of pubs and clubs around the country.
“Jeez. That was quicker than I thought” said Frydenberg this morning.
“The punters really gave it a crack last night. Good on ’em”
“We’ve nearly paid this whole thing off. Haha. Fuck me”
The quick turn around in retrieving the multi-billion dollar deficit torn open by the COVID-19 pandemic comes as much-needed good news for the Government, as new reports from the ABS point toward a major recession in the next 18 months.
Tuesday’s ABS data revealed wages and salaries were flat in the March quarter. The tax take dropped 5.4 per cent between December and March and government spending grew by only 2 per cent.
However, Josh Frydenberg is confident the VIP rooms might get us through the imminent collapse of our economy as well.
“If these old people and vulnerable young parents keep feeding pineapples through these machines at the rate they have been over the last 24 hours…”
“We’ll have enough cash to bail out any bank or airline that asks”
“I can’t see a time where we ever run out of money again. hahaha”
In fact, Frydenberg says he’s in half a mind to cut company taxes to zero.
“You can forget taxing the multinational mining companies”
“The real cash cow is our nation’s bizarre culture of letting problem gamblers play rigged video games without any legislation to curb their addictions”
While millions of dollars have been designated to mental health initiatives during the stressful coronavirus isolation measures, it is not yet known if the government will be applying this same duty of care to the gambling addicts who are now forgoing electricity and grocery bills to chase the synthetic endorphin hits created by the melodies and flashing lights of the predatory gaming rooms.
