CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Local Islander, TJ Kowalczyk (31) has today been met with the tragic news that he is no longer being the only big dog Poly in his secret group of white friends.
While successfully maintaining a double life for several years between his hometown community of mostly Tongan and Samoan-Australians, and his white friends that he met through water skiing – TJ now has to process the fact that he might be challenged on all of his cultural exaggerations and fake sports star relatives.
While enjoying a picnic at Lake Betoota with his fair-skinned group of mates with names like Hunter and Katie, Graham was quick to suss out the new inclusion to the group.
“Who’s that over there?” he asks his white confidantè, Hugo.
“Oh, that’s Benji” says Hugo.
“He’s going out with Mikayla”
Unluckily for TJ, it seems the slightly visible sleeve tattoo running down Benji’s right arm indicates they might be from the same mob. Which is going to be a problem if some of the Palagis start asking him to retell all the bullshit stories he’s told them over the years about his Pacific Islander upbringing.
“Ahh shit!” mutters TJ, in his slightly whiter voice.
“Are they serious, or like just a casual thing”
Hugo makes it clear that Mikayla is madly in love and Benji is here to stay.
However, while their initial introduction is quite frosty, it soon becomes clear to TJ that Benji is playing the exact same game as him. Even going as far as pretending to know the same people that TJ doesn’t know.
By the end of the afternoon, both men have the group of mayo-loving water-skiiers completely wide-eyed with their tall tales of strict Islander parenting techniques and their respective trips back to mother islands.
As the party wraps up and it’s time to say goodbye, both men embrace in an overemphasised bring-it-in kind of way.
“See you next time Uce” says TJ.
“I’ll see you then buddy o’pal” whispers Benji with a wink.
