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A recent report by the nation’s drunk idiots has found that the men employed in Australia’s late night Turkish and Lebanese take-away industry are far better at crowd control than any bouncer could be.
These findings correlate well with statistics that indicate literally zero examples of alcohol-related public nuisance or violent incidents in kebab and pide venues around the country over the last five years, despite being full of hungry drunks 90% of the time they are open.
Dino, a local kebab shop employee from Betoota K-BABZ says believe it or not, he’s never actually had to venture to the other side of the counter to dust off a drunken pest, not once in his entire 20 years in the industry.
“Deadset mate. I barely even have to talk to anyone of these morons. It’s all in the eyes mate”
The Betoota Advocate spoke about this recent report to larrikin Betoota car salesmen and prominent local drunk idiot, Joshy Auger (26).
“It could have a bit to with the fact that it’s usually wind up time whenever I go into those places” he said.
“But also, it’s when I’m at my most drunk and annoying, usually after I’ve been kicked out of a nearby pub”
Joshy says it’s hard to tell why everyone is so no-nonsense in kebab shops, but says it could have a lot to do with the fact that the blokes running the show have a mean death stare, and don’t ever appear rattled.
“They could fuck me up. I know it” he says.
