KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A recently dumped bloke has been placed on a mandatory 11-day stand down period this week, after almost concussing himself with an unhealthy amount of app swiping.
After being in a stable relationship for the past eight years, new bachelor Ethan Edwards (26) has been enthusiastically hitting an extensive suite of dating apps, displaying behaviour that’s caught the attention of his friends.
Despite publicly labelling the break-up as being “mutual”, Ethan’s close mates are under no illusion that his ex-Olivia Saunders, a local go-getter who’s quietly killing it on the the corporate ladder, gave him the sack after repeated calls for him to get his act together and move out of the same all-boys uni share house he’s lived in since he was 20.
Now entering the local dating pool in his late-twenties, friends say Ethan has been making up for lost time and has developed an addiction to Tinder, Bumble and Hinge in the first month of becoming single.
But after trying his hand at ‘RootnBoot’, a new dating app that’s sweeping singles off their feet across the Diamantina, Ethan found himself blocked off the app thanks to some smart tech design.
“We know recently single blokes can get a bit swipe happy, flicking through the carousel of profiles like a windscreen wiper in a storm, that’s why we’ve got locks in place for users like Ethan,” said Abigail Bonds, a tech developer for the new app.
“Our data systems clocked him flying at 300 swipes per hour and 800 alone at 8pm last Sunday night, it’s just unhealthy!”
Earmarked as a user that really needs to woo up a bit, Abigail said ‘RootnBoot’ would be placing an 11-day pause on Ethan’s profile.
“Besides, with a dating pool as small as Betoota, user267839EthanE has probably accidentally said yes to cousin or three, deactivating his account for a week will probably just save him from himself.”
More to come.
