ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
US President Donald Trump has revealed plans to get a 2-for-1 deal going as Australia lowers the drawbridge to America’s diseased beef after generations of work to keep that shit out of here.
The Art of the Deal author is offering America’s famously white eggs in addition to their beef to our domestic consumers, just in case there was demand for another inferior product in our free market economy.
In conversations with various meat and produce buyers, none have indicated to The Advocate that they would entertain the wholesale purchase of the weird American eggs because people on this island of ours have grown accustom to a certain level of primary industry produce.
“Australia is odd in the global context because we don’t put a lot of shit in our bodies that other parts of the English-speaking world does. Just look at America. I don’t know about you but if I’m travelling in America for an extended period, I start feeling sick in. the guts. Slow, rooted, like my intestines aren’t able to strip any nutrients out of what I’m putting in my meat sack,” said one local IGA buyer.
“Same as the UK. Some of it’s OK but most of it is rubbish. When I’ve been in London for a few weeks and need to feel better, I have to head to [Bill] Granger’s because somehow, they’re able to make things taste fresh and Australia in the middle of London. Don’t know how they do it. We miss Bill everyday,”
“But with these eggs? We won’t be buying any. I don’t think any red-blooded Australian would eat one. We get excited seeing a bit of chook shit or straw on an egg. At least we know it’s come from a chicken. And how our chicken has that dark pink hue and can taste a bit gamey. That’s the good shit. If your chicken looks like a roll of wet tissues chopped up on a bench, then you must be in America.”
The Advocate has reached out to the White House for comment but has yet to receive a reply.
More to come.
