LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Countless coverage outages, terrible data plans and even worse broadband – a trifecta of terrible business attributes that would cause any company to change their tact. Unless you’re Telstra, this is just another day in the office for the telecommunications giant.
“We’d actually be worried if everything ran smoothly” said Gerdt Vincent, head of Telstra.
“We’ve employed over 1000 people purely to deal with complaints”
“Which, now that I think of it, could have been better spent on improving our infrastructure to prevent the problems in the first place”
“Oh well!”
“I guess we should be thanking everyone for being so apathetic [haha]”
Gerdt’s blasé attitude to his customers experience may shock some people and cause them to finally ditch the old-world provider, but a recent study by The World Apathy Commission (WAC) revealed that Telstra is in no real danger of that happening – with their customers taking the number one spot on the apathy index.
“According to participants, literally nothing could motivate them enough to bother switching” explained Josie Suba, CEO of WAC.
“I mean, just take the 000 outage earlier this year – a literal life or death situation – and only less that 1% of customers even considered changing”
“Telstra is extremely lucky that their customers are the most apathetic people on Earth.”
Interestingly, the second most apathetic people on earth are Red Rooster customers – according to the study, customers know full well that KFC is ten times better than Red Rooster, but they just can’t be bothered to switch.
More to come.
