FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact
The NSW State Government has been forced to enact emergency measures as Warragamba Dam levels head for 100%, potentially forcing the operators to open the floodgates, which for the first time in recent history is an actual thing instead of a metaphor.
As part of the emergency measures, Sydneysiders are being urged to spend at least 10 extra minutes in the shower. Warragamba Dam supplies water to about 3.86 million people; if each of these people spent an extra 10 minutes in the shower, the dam could dispense an extra 350 million litres of water, which works out at exactly heaps of gigalitres.
“We know our television commercials at the moment are asking you to sing your favourite short song in the shower to time yourself” said Minister for Resources, Water and Northern Australia Keith Pitt.
“What we are saying is hey, why not follow it up with In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida or something” he said, in a reference to Iron Butterfly’s epic 1968 song, the full length version of which lasts for over 17 minutes. “And while you’re in the shower, why not think about what else water can do for you. Come on Boomers, let’s get out there and hose those paths”.
In addition, the NSW Government is subsidising water fights with a 60% rebate on packets of water balloons containing 100 balloons or more and a water pistol amnesty whereby eligible participants can exchange small single shot water pistols for the new SuperSoaker Tsunami7600Pro, a 76mm water cannon which connects directly to any standard water mains.
“At the moment we are looking at several measures to manage the water level of the dam” explained Pitt. “We were looking into the relocation of Cubbie Station to Western Sydney, but that deal which fell through after getting the thumbs down from the CCP We also sold a whole bunch of water to Angus Taylor but he wasn’t able to remove it, so we were forced to buy it back at triple the price.”
When asked whether the government was intentionally letting the water level rise so they could justify their interest in the 2017 plan to raise the dam wall by up to 17 metres as part of a plan to allow urban development in the floodplain catchment area, NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian was adamant:
“…No”.
