KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
As Bianka Carlton struggles to hike up a pair of stockings over her knees, a thought enters her tired, frustrated mind.
“I really can’t be arsed with this baby shower.”
After copping an invite a month ago from second-tier gal pal Phoebe Crawley, Bianka’s been dreading the day she has to put on a fake smile and stand around a public BBQ talking with other prospective mothers about their rooting cycles.
But determined to make today a pain for all, The Advocate understands Bianka’s decided she’d also drag her boyfriend Kyle along for the ride.
“Are you ready?” Bianka called out, as she entered the living room to find her dumb boyfriend dressed in a half-ironed button-up shirt, laying horizontal on the couch.
“Yeah, I’m ready,” Kyle replied, peeling himself off the couch like a sour strap that’s melted itself onto hot pavement, and picking up a shopping bag filled with clinking drinks.
“I got you a 4-pack of Seltzers, is that okay?” Kyle asked, nodding at the haul he’d bought from the grog shop just this morning.
“What are you gonna drink?” Bianka replied back.
Pulling out a longneck from the shopping bag, Kyle, who was born in Toowoomba, didn’t seem to comprehend there was any issue with turning up to a baby shower with a 750ml bottle of brown ale.
“You’ve got to be kidding!” Bianka snapped, a little too hotly. “It’s a family event, you can’t be rolling in with that…”
“What do you mean?” answered Kyle. “I took one to my cousin’s last year in Dalby, no one had a drama with it.”
Furious that not only was her hair simply not working for her today, Bianka sunk her head into her hands at the realisation that her regional boyfriend was well short of a few handfuls of decorum.
“Go get my water bottle, the one I use for the gym, and pour the beer into that. We’ll just say you’re sober. Maybe that we’re also trying for a kid!”
