ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Newly-elected Pope Leo XIV has marked his first public appearance in a way that has stunned Vatican traditionalists and thrilled his hometown.
Standing on the balcony of St Peter’s Basilica, the former South Side Chicagoan greeted tens of thousands of pilgrims with an extended magazine Glock 18, discharging a full clip skyward in what the Vatican Press Office described as a “cultural gesture of celebration.”
Born Robert Francis Prevost in Dolton, Illinois, the 69-year-old pontiff wasted no time grounding his papacy in the traditions of his upbringing.
“It’s how we do things on the South Side,” the Pope said.
Pope Leo then blew smoke from the muzzle and making a hand gesture understood by Vatican security to be benign.
Local clergy scrambled to explain the Pope’s actions, insisting that the firearm had been rendered ceremonial. However, multiple shell casings were later recovered from the cobblestones of St Peter’s Square. No injuries were reported.
Pope Leo also announced his first candidate for canonisation, six-time NBA champion Michael Jordan.
“If draining a flu-game 38-pointer on the road isn’t a miracle, then nothing is,” Pope Leo said.
The pontiff’s security team confirmed that the Glock was legally imported through diplomatic channels and modified to comply with the Vatican’s domestic firearm laws, though the full-auto switch remained for liturgical purposes.
“We understand the Pope carried it in his waistband during transit,” the Vatican said.
As the crowd chanted “Chi-Town forever,” the Holy Father reminded followers of his mission.
“This is gonna be a different kind of papacy,” the Pope continued.
“One where we don’t just turn the other cheek. We clap back in Chi-raq.”
More to come.
