ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Prime Minister announced this morning that JobKeeper and JobSeeker are being extended until the economy is ready to be taken off life support later this year.
In addition to those existing schemes, Scott Morrison touched on a brand new economic jumpstart programme called JobBoomer, which he says is aimed at protecting the wealth of his voter base and making sure that well can be handed on to the next generation of Liberal voters.
“You know,” he said before shooting his trademark smirk.
“It’s funny how people think Baby Boomers, as a group, are to blame for the problems young people are facing. When it’s really an issue of class and wealth. There are millions of broke Baby Boomers out there. Millions of decrepit old gibbering fucks who can’t afford to retire. They have to work until they fucking die,”
“That’s not what JobBoomer is aimed at saving. This is a scheme we’ve created to safeguard the wealth of the Liberal voter base. Yes, there are millions of Australians who vote against their best interests at each election and vote for this party. This party only really acts to serve a small portion of Australians, but we let people in the workforce believe that this wealth will one day be theirs. That if they work hard enough, one day they’ll have the big house on the hill,”
“When in reality, it doesn’t matter how hard you work. Unless you work for yourself, you’ll never have what the big boys and girls have. You can work hard your whole life and still leave this planet with fuck all,”
“JobBoomer is a scheme that offers tax offsets and credits to the wealthy. It creates loopholes in which a good accountant can slip through. It’s jobs for the boys. Today, when you walk past some bloke who looks uncomfortably overweight in his mid-60s, the one with the red face and the cap on to hide the sunspots on the back of his bald head. The one in the $300 straight-leg jeans and New Balance trainers. That’s who this policy is for. The toad-throated bloated blokes who can afford a Porsche – but can’t contort their meat sacks into one. That’s who JobBoomer is for.”
The JobBoomer scheme will be retroactively applied to the last financial year to make liquid cash available to the wealthy as soon as possible.
More to come.
