ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
For months now, the recent exodus of people from Australia’s largest city has been blamed on the on-going Revenge of the Pangolin that’s killed over a million people around the world.
But a new study into the phenomenon has discovered that hypothesis to be incorrect.
This new study, conducted by the Queensland Government, has found that people are leaving Sydney in droves for areas such as the Sunshine Coast because Sydney is a massive shithole.
“Our survey found that a lot of people are fed up with living in Sydney because there’s too many fucking people everywhere and it’s really expensive and chock full of cunts,” said one Queensland Government spokesperson.
“So now that their employers have come clean and said working from home is actually workable, they’ve said righto, I don’t have to live in this weeping anal fissure of a city and I can move up to fucking Noosa or somewhere where the level is cunt is slightly less,”
“People are also leaving Sydney for the bush or coastal communities like Byron Bay, where people from Sydney riddle that part of the coast like melanomas of gentrification on the back of the common local,”
“Either way, we think people leaving Sydney is always good. As long as you all don’t come up here. Queensland has less money than Moldova right now, we can’t afford anymore Boomers up here. They’re more expensive to maintain than a clapped out Audi.”
More to come.
