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“What the fuck!” shouted Barnaby Joyce MP.
“The North Coast is flooded? 800 homes have been destroyed!? Why didn’t anyone tell us about this!?”
A National Party staffer attempts to reason with the Member For New England.
“We did sir” said the long-suffering rural political advisor.
“Multiple times”
David Littleproud interjects.
“I mean, I think I would remembered if someone told us that half of our remaining federal electorates were in the midst of the biggest flood in recorded history”
“I think you blokes were keeping this from us. This is exactly the same as the Liberals not telling Dutton that his polling numbers were pointing to a generational Labor landslide”
“Of course” scoffs Senator Bridget McKenzie.
“Typical Gen-Z. Sky News were right. We really are in the midst of a competency crisis when it comes to young people entering the workforce. How dare you not tell us about such urgent regional issues.” she continues.
“It is literally our one job to know when rural towns and farmers are doing it tough”
This sobering argument amongst the National Party’s top brass comes as hundreds of properties have now been deemed “uninhabitable” by the New South Wales SES in the aftermath of deadly flooding that has caused devastation across state’s north coast.
While emergency services are working tirelessly to resupply communities isolated and assess areas damaged by last week’s weather event that killed five people in flood-related tragedies, it seems the National Party has been preoccupied by their week-long dalliance as the main characters in Federal politics.
On Monday last week, the National Party announced that they would not be re-signing the Coalition agreement with the Liberal party, after somehow convincing themselves that they were the strongest asset within the Federal Opposition because they didn’t lose one of their nine seats to half-baked Teal challengers.
The Nats have also enjoyed the relentless media speculation around possible leadership spills within their own ranks, with daily press conferences distracting the media from the existential natural distaster taking place up north.
But now with the party’s leadership temporarily back-pedalling from their plans to ditch the coalition, and their senior MPs taking a break from the dick-swinging, the Nats are ready to get back to work, delivering for rural Australia.
“Wait. Are you sure you aren’t talking about the floods we had before the election?” says Michael McCormack.
“Surely they haven’t flooded again?! Christ, maybe we do need to commit to Net Zero”
The other MPs reluctantly agree.
“Yeah…” says Littleproud.
“This is exactly why we need to stay committed to a nuclear power plan. That’s the only viable form of renewable out there!”
