ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Despite being locked down for six months, Cricket Australia has given the Melbourne Cricket Ground and their staff the chance to drop in another unspectacular pitch in the ground for the Boxing Day Test.
But if you ask Melbourne, they’re just grateful they have the chance to fuck the Boxing Day Test up for the rest of the country.
One of the smooth brains who gets to choose which piece of the Hume Highway to drop into the MCG spoke candidly to The Advocate this morning.
They said after months of being blamed for the failures of the Andrews Government, the Victorian people need something to look forward to.
“There’s no easy way of putting it,” said Gavin McGalhooley, an assistant currator at the Australian sporting mecca.
“The Andrews Government shit the bed by giving the hotel security job to one of Dan’s mates and now 700 people are dead but yawn, we can go to the pub now. Actually, we hate him again because he cut down the Djab Wurrung directions tree,”
“But as the virus took hold in Australia, the people of Melbourne were blamed for it. Victorians in general were seen as being the root cause of the national lockdown. ‘Fuck Victorians,’ people were saying in Sydney, Brisbane and Perth. ‘They’re ruining it for everyone!’ Well, now it’s about to happen again,”
“This time, it’ll be us, the MCG curators. We’ll be the people who’ll be the root cause of anger directed at the Victorian people,”
“They’ll say, ‘Can’t these fucking Victorians get anything right? Can we kick Victoria out of the Commonwealth? For fuck’s sake! Why is this pitch devoid of life on Day 2? Why has there been a thousand runs scored on it and only 6 wickets? Fuck you Melbourne, fuck you right to hell,’ and none of it will be the fault of the Victorian people,”
“It will be our fault.”
More to come.
