EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
In scenes described as eerily similar to that famous 2001 photograph of Nicole Kidman walking down the street and basking in the raw ecstasy of divorcing Tom Cruise, a local woman has declared she feels exactly the same after waking up to the news that Peter Dutton has lost the federal election.
Having gone out on the piss last night, Amelia Dunning, 29, tells The Advocate that she’d awoken to the pleasant surprise that Peter Dutton will not be the next prime minister of Australia, which means she’ll finally be given a break from all this political doomscrolling.
Well, for the next few years anyway.
“Oh thank fuck, seriously, it was all giving me an aneurysm”, says Amelia, as she massaged out all eleven lines that had been developing between her eyebrows, “I’ve never been more politically engaged in my life.”
“I just want to go back to knowing nothing again.”
Amelia says she’s grateful Canada and Australia have avoided following the path of hatred and division, and that she sincerely hopes she never has to hear a politician utter the word ‘woke’ ever again.
More to come.
