A recent study jointly carried out by the Art Gallery of NSW and Australia’s peak scientific body, the CSIRO, has concluded that men with long beards believe they’re more creative than their fellow naked face men.
It explains that these men, namely those who work in commercialised creative agencies, grow their beard proportionately to how creative they perceive themselves.
The key finding here is just that, it is only these men who think it represents creativity, the rest of Australia thinks they’re filthy hipsters who need to learn their way around a razor.
Dr. Karl Frawley, from the CSIRO’s Dense Facial Hair Division, caught up with the Advocate to explain the study in a little bit more detail.
“We conducted a controlled experiment whereby we isolated 23 clean shaven male creatives”
“Over an 8-month period we monitored the men, each week examining their beard length and asking how creative they felt”
“The results were pretty one sided, each man became more arrogant about his creativity as his beard grew, it actually became unbearable.”
“Out of curiosity and a little spite, we hacked away at some notably arrogant mens beards – the transformation was almost immediate!”
“It was spectacular, we had these once arrogant men now anxious pathetic messes”
The Advocate managed to catch one of the experiment’s participants for comment as he was leaving the CSIRO.
“I don’t have time to talk to you people, you don’t respect my craft.”
According to Dr. Frawley, this particular participant was one of the most creatively devoid human beings he had ever come across and, as a testament to their research, this man’s beard was a solid 10cm in length.
