ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
In an effort to cut spending, the government has suggested that students that have white dog shit for brains might lose their right to the HECS/HELP scheme that sees thousands of underprivileged Australians gain access to higher education each year.
In the briefing today, Scott Morrison warned that students that do as badly as Paul Keating did at high school might have to break shit up and throw it in a skip until they die at age 67 on the job site.
“We aren’t just going to lend money to young people to fuck around for a few years and find themselves,” said Scott.
“It costs the government too much money. Too many young people never earn enough to start paying back their debt, which is their fault. The age of entitlement is over, to echo the message Joe Hockey shared all those years ago,”
“Paul Keating dropped out in Year 9 because he was too dumb. The lessons were too intense and his famous quick wit couldn’t save him. If you drop out of school or university under this new scheme, you’re actually fucked. Like your life is fucking fucked. You might as well start doing heroin.”
The Advocate reached out to Paul Keating’s Office for comment but could only leave a voice message.
More to come.
