ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | ContactE
Nine Entertainment Co columnist and author, Peter FitzSimons, has tentatively announced this afternoon that his next book will delve deep into the history of Australian hooning – whether he likes it or not.
The announcement comes after last year’s merger between Nine and Fairfax, which saw the media giant acquire the publishing bin fire in a deal worth hundreds of billions of Australian pesos.
Speaking to reporters today through the fence of his Sydney compound in the working-class ghetto of zoo-side Mosman, FitzSimons said he was looking forward to having the book out by Fathers Day.
“Hooning has been engrained in the Australian psyche for generations,” said the republican as he moved his hands erratically.
“More importantly, hooning represents a key income stream for Nine. That’s where I come in.”
Peter then took a deep breath and headbutted the wrought-iron gate separating him from the reporters as hard as he could.
A few of them jumped as the extroverted Cancerian composed himself, others were kind of expecting some sort of outburst.
“My book, A Complete History of Australian Hooning, will be available from all good book stores exactly 30 days before Fathers Day,” he said.
“Then for Christmas, I will be doing a history on neighbours from hell and shonky tradesmen.”
Peter then took a deep breath.
“That will be all for today.”
He then went back inside and turned the sprinklers on.
More to come.
