CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A Betoota Heights-based landscape gardener has today offered what he believes to be a pragmatic solution to the current geopolitical conflicts taking place in the Middle East.
After decades of hostilities, the current war games that are now engulfing the region were sparked by Israel’s sudden barrage of attacks against Iran’s military structures over the weekend.
These tit for tat missile attacks show no signs of cooling down in the seventh day, as the two longtime foes continue to escalate military actions that threaten to spiral into a wider, global war that could very well involve Australia in some capacity.
The global significance of this conflict can be measured by the fact that local Queensland dad, Bart Wesley (56) has heard about it.
Not since the pandemic has Bart had anything to say about global events, and his interest in any form of politics is usually limited to his decades-long war with the local Betoota Council.
But with relentless news updates and a foreign governments lead by unavoidably loud strongmen, Bart has tuned back into ‘that part of the world’.
Talking to his adult daughters and wife around the kitchen table this morning, Bart begins spitballing ideas around how to best avoid World War 3.
“Wait so, who’s Iran? Are they the Muslims. I thought Iraq were the Muslims?” he asks his more worldly female relatives.
“No, dad. Iraq isn’t really involved this time. It’s Israel” says his daughter, Kaylee.
“Righto. So who are they with? Are they the other type of Muslim? They’re not all Arabs aye”
His family persist with this difficult but ultimately interesting discussion.
“Israel are the ones next to Lebanon, you know Danny the builder up the road. His family are from Lebanon” says his eternally patient wife, Sarah.
“Wait I thought Danny was Greek” says Bart.
“Anyway, I wouldn’t ask Danny for his opinion on all of this. He’s not very, um, how you say… politically correct. Wait, so why aren’t America getting stuck in? I thought they loved this shit”
Kaylee says that’s the question that everyone wants to know the answer to.
“Well” says Bart.
“The last time America starting fucking around with all of these ‘I’ countries they only made things worse. I’ll tell you what I’d do if I was in charge. First of all I’d….”
Bart spends the next ten minutes outlining an off-the-cuff military and diplomatic strategy that not only violates just about every single international humanitarian law according to the Geneva convention, but also appears to have very little regard for de-escalating tensions in the region.
While some of the things he has to say are ‘half-right’ – it becomes clear that Bart isn’t really up to date with modern military technology – and isn’t very well-versed on the extremely diverse religious and ethnic groups that make up the region.
He finishes his brainstorm and is met with groans and sighs from his wife and daughters.
“Dad. Maybe you shouldn’t repeat that outside of the kitchen” says Kaylee.
“Ya reckon?’ asks Bart.
“Just an idea”
“Yeah” says his wife.
“You’ve got some interesting ideas. But not really that helpful I don’t think, darl”
