ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
One of our town’s most prolific copper thieves is ‘proud as punch’ today after seeing an NBN road crew in the French Quarter putting some of the wire he stole to good use.
David John Schumacker, who is known to police, told our reporters that it’s nice to know you’re contributing in a positive way to society.
“You love to see it,” he said.
The 34-year-old professional copper bandit stood with our reporter on Rue de Branlette opposite Les Jardins de Joh and watched the men from the internet roll the copper wiring under the footpath.
“I only just ripped this wire out of the new Bunnings they’re building up in Betoota Heights. We got nearly a tonne out of there,” he said.
“The guard didn’t want a bar of us. He let us tie him up and hide his phone. He was actually a pretty nice bloke,”
“But how good is this? Like seeing first hand the impact you’re having on society. Like, we’re taking from the small-business-destroying, toad-necked fat cat cunts at Woolworths and giving to the people, so they can watch things on the internet. It leaves me feeling warm and fuzzy.”
It’s understood by The Advocate that Mr Schumacker’s latest copper heist was to order as the section of the French Quarter set to benefit from this latest installation includes the home of our mayor’s favourite mistress.
More to come.
