ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Australia has done what it does best today, which is to throw its weight behind a flawed but familiar larrikin simply because he’s being sued by a bigger and worse cunt from overseas.
News broke this morning that US President Donald Trump has launched a $15 billion lawsuit against Rupert Murdoch over a Wall Street Journal article reporting on his alleged involvement in a bizarre birthday tribute to convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.
While Murdoch has long been accused of corrupting global democracies, manufacturing moral panics and platforming people who would’ve been fed to bears for entertainment in the Middle Ages, the fact that Trump is now suing him has flipped the public’s view of “our Rupert.”
Locally, where Murdoch owns The Advocate’s crosstown rival, The Betoota Bugle, and is considered “somewhat problematic but still one of ours,” locals were quick to throw their support behind the ageing media baron.
“He might be a despicable old cunt that I constantly wish death upon who turned politics into reality TV,” said Clive Rylington , a semi-retired conveyancer from the French Quarter.
“But he’s OUR despicable cunt. He’s a fucken AUSSIE. C’MON AUSSIE! FUCKEN PUT THE DOG UP HIM, RUPE! WOOF WOOF WOOF! BITE HIM ON THE GOOCH, RUPE! Also Trump’s worse. Trump suing Murdoch makes him the bad guy in this. It makes Murdoch [shivers] the purveyor of an inconvenient truth. Trump and Epstein were mates.”
Meanwhile in Betoota Heights, our heartland of reasonable middle Australians who wouldn’t piss on a journalist if they were on fire, the mood was equally clear.
“Rupert might be a bit on the nose, but he pays his taxes here. Probably,” said Glenda Trewhella, a forklift operator and part-time netball coach.
“And at least he’s not a pervert. He looks like he’s never asked for an unenthusiastic handjob in his life. And it shows.”
While Murdoch has yet to comment publicly, NewsCorp sources say he’s “chuffed” by the local support and has instructed staff at The Australian to add an extra 17 editorials a week on press freedom. Rumours also suggest he’s made additional room in cartoonist Warren Brown’s budget for extra orange pens and pencils.
“He’s our bastard,” added Rylington.
“He might not have a passport but he still watches the Ashes.”
More to come.
