Chris Hemsworth Found Unconscious In Brisbane Park After $4 Basics At The Vic

26 August, 2015 9:30

MERV HARRIS | Brisbane | CONTACT

The Betoota Advocate can exclusively report that Australian movie superstar and current Foxtel ad actor Chris Hemsworth was found unconscious this morning in the Botanic Gardens in Brisbane, surrounded by bits of a half-eaten kebab and his right arm covered in entry stamps.

Reports have emerged that Hemsworth and fellow Avengers actor Tom Hiddleston had taken advantage of The Victory Hotel (locally known as The Vic) and their $4 basics on Thursday nights, and had banged on a session as epic as the movies they star in.

The Advocate understands that Hemsworth and Hiddleston – who are in Brisbane filming the next instalment in the Thor franchise – were still in The Vic’s beer garden at approximately 2am this morning yelling at the live band to play Khe Sanh, and according to witnesses had covered their table with vodka sunrises.

“They were off their lemon spreads,” said onlooker Dean Thiesfield.

“They were putting them away fuckin’ quick, they must ‘av been bloody thirsty.”

Kristen Jones, a bartender at The Vic, said they almost ran out of vodka after being “pillaged by Hemsworth and that toffy English bloke.”

“They came in about 8 o’clock last night,” she said.

“They only got one each at first – they must have got a taste for it. By the time my shift ended they were buying trays at a time between the two of them and polishing them all off at a fucking rapid rate.”

“It’s one of the best displays we’ve seen at The Vic since about four kitchen fires ago,” said bar manager Nick Stein.

“Obviously being big Hollywood stars they get away with stuff that locals would be punted for, but it’s good for business – although I suspect Hiddleston might have spewed in the pokie room, we’re reviewing the CCTV footage at the moment.”

It’s understood that earlier in the night Hemsworth had won the mini jackpot on Where’s The Gold, and had reinvested the winnings on the fifth at Albion Park.

The Advocate was also inundated with reports at around 3.30am this morning that the pair were spotted dancing on top of a table at the ‘Dunder (Down Under Bar). One report included that they had ordered five ‘jam jars’ each, and had made light work of the potent jungle juice.
A representative for Marvel Studios, Madeline Boulton, declined to comment other than to say there were a couple of boys with ‘very sore heads’ on set today.