ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Anthony Albanese has today become the first sitting Prime Minister to be formally welcomed into the Central Coast community with the region’s highest civic honour.
Made from a Coles trolley handles cut in half and joined by a metre of good Chinesium chain, the Trolley Pole Nunchucks To The City, are the Central Coast equivalent to the Keys To The City in other, lesser parts of the nation. The deadly weapon was presented to Mr Albanese out the back of the Kinny Pub by a bloke called Spanner, who wore a Tapout hoodie and shook the Prime Minister’s hand with two fingers.
The Prime Minister was dressed in the traditional cultural garb of the region. Black flatbrim Fox cap. Gold Michael Hill chain. Baggy boardshorts that haven’t seen salt water since the last Knights premiership. A black Radiobird Man tee shirt, with Oakleys slung around the back of his neck. Local dress code dictates that sleeves are optional and footwear is discouraged unless entering an RSL.
While residents of Copacabana and Macmasters Beach are often viewed as being a cut above, Mr Albanese has made it clear that he prefers to drink with the boys down at Kinny. He bought a house in Copa late last year and is said to spend most long weekends there when Parliament is not sitting.
“Copa’s good for a swim and a feed” said the PM.
“But if I’m having a beer it’s with the fellas down here. They told me I’m OK for a Copa fella. They also said everyone from Killcare is full of Kill-c-words. I won’t repeat it.”
The only other known recipient of the city’s Trolley Pole Nunchucks was cricketer Nathan Bracken, who famously used them on selector Trevor Hohns’ BMW upon being dropped from the Australian ODI team for the last time.
Locals say Albo has earned the honour through consistency.
“He turns up. He has a chat. He doesn’t carry on. He wears the correct kit. He’s respectful of our culture. He’s been seen playing Keno on a weekday. He abused someone in the carpark just before,” added Spanner.
“He just needs to threaten a council ranger with the nunchucks and he’s one of us.”
The PM says he plans to mount the nunchucks above the front door of his Copacabana home so they’re ready to go if the Sheriff or someone ever tries to repossess his 2010 Nissan Patrol, which is currently under finance and 4 months behind.
More to come.
